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Yanyi's avatar

By next month, I will have moved four times this year. Most of my library, except for one (1!) box is in storage. So: I haven't been writing very much what I thought I would be writing so far in 2020, but I've been doing a lot of unexpected writing, like in this newsletter. But only, really, one poem and a long, undefinable lyric essay on Linda Gregg. The things I was doing in February feel a lifetime away, to put it mildly. I'm feeling cautious and optimistic, dread and joy, discombobulated generally. I made a great olive oil cake. I expect it all of these things to continue (and to change, too).

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Yanyi's avatar

*I make, present-tense, though also past? And **I expect all of these things. Don't I wish I had an edit button!

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Muriel Leung's avatar

Hi Yanyi! Is making olive oil cake not considered writing too? As is head-writing, writing with the body (in movement), walking-writing. Are we not redefining what constitutes "writing" these days? (I've been enjoying your newsletters, by the way. Also, I've been emailing more than writing. Snacking more than emailing.) - Muriel

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Yanyi's avatar

Muriel, it's great to hear from you! Yes, you're right—writing is in the body; we inscribe the world with our movements, our lives. Reminds me of Sarah Gambito's LOVES YOU and the recipes she put next to her poems! Important q: what snacks??

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Muriel Leung's avatar

So glad you mentioned Sarah Gambito's LOVES YOU. The poet Tiana Nobile and I made the chicken adobo from her book recently, by the way! Nothing like a recipe that calls for fistfuls of garlic and peppercorn to really make you feel alive. Snacks: shrimp chips, homemade onigiri, bonito flakes on everything, chocolate with lots and lots and lots of salt. And you? Have you been eating well? Has it influenced the way you write during this time?

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Yanyi's avatar

Yessss. I'm sure the dish was DELICIOUS. I often double the garlic in any recipe that I use, so I'm with you there. That book was so inspiring for me when I thought I had really gotten genre out of my system.

I've been doing a lot of kitchen practice, teaching and learning things about cooking with my partner. Have made a lot of vegan meringue after they make hummus. Thinking and enacting a lot more about no/low-waste in the house—I think that's been showing up in the wild footnoting/referencing I've been doing in this lyric essay.

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Devin Kate Pope's avatar

Four moves in a year is so much, even without a pandemic happening! I’m curious: what books are in the 1 (!!) box? I’m thinking about what I’d put in mine

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Yanyi's avatar

A bunch of big books that I'd been intending to read but hadn't gotten around to. A small selection: PARABLE OF THE SOWER by Octavia Butler (so relevant), the SONTAG biography by Benjamin Moser (unfortunately he's not a great person), THINKING WITHOUT A BANNISTER (essays be Hannah Arendt), ILLUMINATIONS by Walter Benjamin, NOTES FROM A NATIVE SON by James Baldwin, and a few poets, namely Linda Gregg, Jack Gilbert, and Agha Shahid Ali. Of course, never enough. Let's just say I had to buy copies of books I already own 2 copies of...

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Carolyn Yoo's avatar

After abandoning a novel in its early stages last year, I picked it up again and have been enjoying getting to know the characters and world. I wrote a solid chunk of words last month, but am starting to taper off again as I increasingly feel embarrassed by my first draft writing quality. Do other people experience these fluctuating spurts of energy with their drafts?

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Yanyi's avatar

Hi Carolyn! Since I'm a poet, I can only relate with the process of writing poetry, and that is always kind of stop-and-start. The lyric essay I mentioned in my comment is languishing somewhere on my computer right now with the understanding that I can go back at some point. It does sound like what you're experiencing is a little bit of that inner critic. It might be helpful not to read anything you've written back to yourself for a little while. Revision is a really powerful process, and you can always move things in an order you like later. Nabokov wrote on notecards, which I think is kind of ingenuous for that purpose.

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Yanyi's avatar

*ingenious ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

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Johanna Rabindran's avatar

Earlier this year, I struggled through the first draft of my very first novel. It was the single hardest thing I’ve ever done—especially around the 30k mark, when I began to lose patience with my ‘rubbish’ prose. I started and ended the day in tears. I cried over the flimsiness of the characters, the unsatisfying plot, the stilted dialogue. That was the time I started to toy with the idea of giving up and pretending this whole embarrassment never happened.

Victoria Schwab once said that the first draft is a chasm away from what you wanted for the story, but that’s the furtherest it will ever be. All future drafts will be reeling it in closer. At the time I didn’t quite believe her, the way you are sceptical of the motivational poster that insists, ‘Everything will be okay!’ Still, I’ve been revising and re-outlining the book for a few months, and even I have to admit that now the characters are more interesting, and the setting has livened up and the mystery has become twistier. Revision does work.

P.S. I wrote a pep-talk for myself in April. It might be what you need to hear today:

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1_UU_pN9FM_QYwfZnOrkKADTgmogirhBDfnMtcMzyeTE/edit?usp=sharing

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Akashleena's avatar

This is really soothing! Thank You!

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Sarah McColl's avatar

Thank you so much, Johanna, I too found this incredibly comforting.

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Carolyn Yoo's avatar

Johanna, thank you for sharing your experience with me and for that wonderful pep talk. I feel so comforted by your words—and completely agree, I'm actually hovering around the 30k mark right now! I know getting the words out is the only way through.

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Alison Zheng's avatar

I feel really sad about the state of the world, but I've kind of been thriving. Before Covid, I was constantly socializing/partying/spending energy on things that weren't really nourishing me on a deeper level. Now, I'm finally writing daily instead of just thinking about it and then doing something els. I also finally started to make digital connections with other writers and it feels really good to have some sort of community.

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Yanyi's avatar

Hi Alison, that's such a crucial shift and I'm happy for you. There was a period of my life when I was scheduling myself to the brim with friends and events and fear of FOMO, so I hear you on this, and congrats on reclaiming your time.

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Alejandra Oliva's avatar

COVID struck almost exactly in the middle of my first year in a new city where my partner knows a lot of people and I know...none, so it felt like my first six months were spent doing a lot of awkward socializing and my second six months have not felt like I'm missing out on a ton of my regular social life/I'm not expending buckets of mental energy on meeting new people. After a few months of sickness/panic, I was able to really lean into it, and have been plugging away semi-regularly at a book draft that has nothing to do with the pandemic or loneliness, but rather about finding connection, and for that reason, feels like a kind of way out of the current reality. I had also meant this to be a year of applying to residencies/fellowships/grants/funding, and I'm just realizing that my executive function is more or less shot this year, so *shrug*

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Yanyi's avatar

Ugh, I'm sorry that your move to this new city didn't end up in the way you expected and that you have been sick. I'm glad there's a silver lining to it (I remember spending a lot of mornings post-surgery just reading Paris Review interviews and eating croissants, then passing out). I relate, also, to working on something that isn't really "topical"—my latest manuscript is all about love, so a book about connection is really welcome to me.

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Yasmin Adele Majeed's avatar

Earlier this summer I tried a method recommended by a friend: Turning off my phone at night and writing first thing in the morning for a few hours. It was successful for a time, but lately I've been finding it harder to get work done during the work week and instead block out my weekends to write.

I also have a writing group I meet with every Sunday to write and workshop together—its low pressure, so sometimes not everyone can join and that's ok—and those deadlines and the community are the most helpful motivators.

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Yanyi's avatar

I used to do that phone thing (but airplane mode). What's been making it harder during the work week?

S/o to the Sunday writing group. Do you bring work in or generate? I was also added to one this summer—it's generative, generous, and a thoughtful group of people. I am awful at writing to prompts though.

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Yasmin Adele Majeed's avatar

No prompts! I am also not a good prompt person. We usually do a video call or text check-in with each other then log off and write for an hour, and every so often if someone has work they need eyes on, we'll workshop. It's low-key, which is nice given all that's going on right now, and helps to have that accountability and to just know you're all working 'together.'

I'm bad at waking up early and when the work day ends, I just want to decompress. I am convinced that becoming a morning person is the answer to all my problems but god knows if that will ever happen!

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Yanyi's avatar

Haha, as a morning person, I promise you that sometimes at 6am I am just lollygagging on Twitter even though I woke up to write! I do write the Sunday newsletters at that time now. For some reason, prose is easy for me at that time of the day.

That workshop style is flexible in a way that attracts me. I like how it is more like a group text and gives people to make work as it comes while still gently encouraging.

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Meghan Palmer's avatar

How does one get in on one of these writing groups??

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Vivian's avatar

I feel like I've started to find my voice these last couple months. My confidence in my writing itself/the idea of calling myself a writer has grown and so has the joy I've found in the process. Though it's hard to say which came first as they feed each other, in love and in loathing. Frustration is ever-present but I'm appreciating and cherishing the growth. I'm a screenwriter by trade but have been opening my mind to the possibility of exploring prose in my future. Thank you for your newsletters. They have been such a gift and speak to me on an unexpectedly personal level. <3

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Yanyi's avatar

There's nothing quite like feeling aligned, inside, with the words you're putting on the page, if that's what you mean by voice (correct me if I'm wrong!) I'm also so glad that the newsletter has been connecting with you, Vivian. What's helped you open up to the possibility of other genres? And how did you up screenwriting?

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Vivian's avatar

Yes, that's exactly what I mean! It's a new and welcome feeling. As for what's changed, I'm not totally sure. Initially, I found screenwriting through my love of TV/film and felt that my strength was in writing comedy/characters/dialogue. I've always assumed prose didn't suit me, or rather, that I would not be suited to prose... but lately have been starting to consider what else I could be capable of. :)

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Johanna Rabindran's avatar

Although I’ve been writing a lot recently (journaling, letters, flash fiction), I keep thinking about what I’m not writing—I’ve temporarily shelved my precious murder mystery. It’s not just leaving the land fallow for a season (although that plays a part). I have a sense that I need more stability (i.e. in real life) before I can fully jump into the revision process.

It’s sad, and I miss living in the story world, but I can’t wait to see my garden overgrown with ideas when I go back.

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Yanyi's avatar

Best wishes for finding more stability, Johanna. It's important that you figured out what you needed. We writers, too, have lives beyond just making work.

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Vee Churchill's avatar

I am writing my final project for an MA in Creative Writing, I’m a journal writer, as in I’ve kept a diary (or moan/ vent/ desires and dreams book) pretty consistently for 35 years.. (I was 11 when I started).. I’m exploring poetry, my supervisor, poet Mary Jean Chan, recommend, ‘Year of blue water’, I can’t thank her enough.. your work is one of the corner stones of my research.. after reading it I felt exactly as if a missing piece I didn’t know was missing had been found. 🙏🏻 MJC has pointed me towards so many important and affirming author / artists.. I write daily, even if it’s just a few lines, or recording a scene in a dream.. even through Covid and lockdown, it is where I go to de-clutter and de-stress.. The difficulty I face is lifting this writing onto a shareable plateau.. it’s my bedrock, it’s rough as hell! Thank you Yanyi for this space to share. 🙏🏻

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Yanyi's avatar

Aw, that is wonderful to know, Vicki. Thank you for reading, and thank you to Mary for recommending my work. Dreams are the way I write when I need some guard rails to just get something out. Journals are powerful engines for writing: they're a way for you to write when you're least expecting it. The fact that you've kept one for 35 years is so impressive!

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Devin Kate Pope's avatar

Thank you for starting this portion of your newsletter, Yanyi. I already look forward to The Reading and this just adds to it:) I’m writing more in some ways and less I’m others. Last year was a blur of client work and I didn’t want to repeat that exactly (little did I know how different 2020 would be.) I challenged myself to write short stories in the spring and that has turned into finding an idea for a novel that I’m drafting. I’m reaching out more than previously to find community (like here) and learn more about fiction (not coming from an mfa background.)

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Yanyi's avatar

Yesss, that's what I was hoping this would be. Congratulations on stumbling on the novel idea. I'm not a fiction writer (who knows in the future), but that's always how I ended up with a new poetry manuscript. Do let me know if you have any suggestions/thoughts for resources, since you're not coming from an MFA program. I'll add them to my list for this series!

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Caroline's avatar

My writing group has been meeting online most weeks since all of this started, which has been great, but I've only just recently begun *working*, as opposed to forcing myself to scribble down nonsense I won't ever use again. But it feels good to be back in it, and I'm doing a 1000 word per day challenge this week.

It seems like a lot of people are entering an acclimated phase right now, eerily enough.

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Yanyi's avatar

That's so wonderful that you're getting back to your real, Caroline. Yes re: acclimating. In the spring, I had no idea what was going to happen at my institution in the fall and a lot of other things were up in the air with leases, etc. And it seemed as though people were still bracing for another shoe to drop with COVID/national politics in the US.

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Devin Kate Pope's avatar

Does the challenge happen to be Jami Attenberg’s? If so, I’m participating in that too:)

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Caroline's avatar

yes!

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Devin Kate Pope's avatar

I love her pep talk emails:) if you want to keep in touch during the challenge I’m devinkatepope on twitter

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Ginevra's avatar

Journaling daily, which took a ton of willpower to start and stick with and now feels both ordinary and magical, reclaimed time. Tumblr-ing other people's poetry when I don't want to write my own.

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Yanyi's avatar

Congratulations on getting started with that daily writing. I struggle with keeping it up but really relate to that feeling of reclaimed time.

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Sarah McColl's avatar

Two days ago I began reading my latest draft (after a month away) of a novel I've been working on for almost two years, and it was painful how bad I found it. Yesterday I began deleting EVERY SINGLE SENTENCE I found boring or tedious and clunky. I didn't try to tinker with the language. I just slashed and burned (aka cut and pasted into a separate document lol). This radical revision felt extraordinarily good. Freeing. Like taking massive piles of clothes that no longer fit/don't like/don't wear from the closet and dumping them at Goodwill.

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Yanyi's avatar

Yesssss. The simile here is so apt. Taking such a long time away from it gives such objectivity—approaching it as a reader and not the writer. Very happy for you, Sarah.

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Rosalie Chan's avatar

I write for work, and I write for my newsletter https://truecolors.substack.com/. I'd like to do more creative writing, but sometimes I have trouble making space for it.

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Yanyi's avatar

Thanks for sharing, Rosalie. Writing all the time for work and an audience can be really exhausting!

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Amy McQuire's avatar

I've actually been writing a lot due to COVID and the Black Lives Matter protests, which have really inspired me to keep going and not waste this moment. I had about a month where I was very productive but now I'm starting to hit a wall. I guess you just have to keep pushing through knowing that writing has its ebbs and flows - sometimes it feels so easy and other times it's ridiculously hard. Loving your newsletter Yanyi and I'm so glad I got to meet you virtually!

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